[for Elle]

[so_catholic]

It’s not the first time Danny’s faked a medical emergency to escape a date but it’s definitely the only time said date has turned up at the same bar as him when he’s supposed to be elbow-deep in placenta.

He doesn’t not like Amanda. He just likes foreign places, the Latino Grammies and low cal muffins more, which doesn’t exactly bode well for any kind of future with her. Maybe if that future involved a permanent white noise machine and separate cities they’d stand a chance. Right now, Danny would settle for separate drinking establishments but it’s clearly too late for that. She’s clocked him not far from the dance floor, a look of surprise, then confusion, then fury on her face, and in the heat of the moment, he chooses more lies over honesty or an apology.

He makes a beeline towards the bar, only stopping when she yells out his name over the music in the same tone she’d used to send back five different appetisers a few nights before on their first (second? third? they all run into one) date.

“Breathe! Breathe!” He latches onto the arm of the nearest woman to him, a lithe blond but that’s all he notices. He’s too busy Lamaze breathing at her, which irritates him no end because it makes him sound like Deslaurier. Only medical intervention truly aids a woman during childbirth but desperate times… “Oh boy, this baby’s coming! Amanda, hey!” The forced cheer is overshadowed by the dramatic gesturing at the blond (clearly-not-pregnant) woman. “Just dealing with this medical emergency. Don’t worry, ma’am, I’ll have this child out of you in no time.” He turns his body in towards her, lowering his voice. “Please help me.”

Comments

[beyondtheblonde]

Elle gasps when the man grabs her, prepared to fight him off, which she can absolutely do. She's in killer shape and she made all the girls at Delta Nu take a self-defense course after initiations one year. But then he starts breathing at her and it's the weirdest thing. It's like being hypnotized, so bewildered by what's going on that she kind of just listens.

"Help?" she echoes, voice lowering to a hiss. She is so unbelievably not pregnant, as far as she knows, that she can't even imagine how this could possibly work, and it would make her the world's worst mother, since she's definitely already had an appletini and a cosmo that turned out to be super strong. But she can't just give up on someone in need. Clutching at the man's arm, she lets out a loud wail in what she hopes sounds convincingly like pain. "Oh, my god, the baby! We, uh, have to go! Like, now."

[so_catholic]

Not only is Danny grateful that she's playing along, he's also pretty impressed. Not by the wailing, that was terrible, but by the fact she's willing to help him out, a guy who quite clearly appears to have a screw loose.

"I'm so sorry, duty calls," he shouts over the crowd to Amanda, giving her a helpless shrug like what can he do. "Let's, we can do it again soon, I'm sure we can do it again, some day," he trails off unconvincingly, already escorting the blond away.

[beyondtheblonde]

Elle has never been much of an actress and, now that she's in the middle of this whole thing, she's completely blanking on what she should be doing to pretend to be pregnant. She doesn't even look pregnant, so it's honestly kind of insulting both to her physique and this other woman's intelligence.

She also doesn't have any reason not to help out. And as much as she loves her friends from school, this is definitely livening things up, so she huffs and puffs and makes her way toward the door quickly. "Okay, do I really look pregnant to you?" she asks once they're outside. "What was that?"

[so_catholic]

Danny's not great at breaking things off. He's actually far better at just not turning up anymore, which is probably what he should have done tonight rather than skipping out on Amanda before they'd finished ordering their starters. Now he's out of the bar, he can almost convince himself that things will resolve themselves without any input from him now.

That's why he breathes an audible sigh of relief up at the sky. "What? No, no. In my professional opinion, you do not look pregnant," he assures her after giving her a once over, purely to double-check. "Listen, thanks. She's crazy." Crazy boring. "I had to get away."

[beyondtheblonde]

"Ex-girlfriend?" Elle guesses. Guys have a way of describing all their exes as crazy, she's noticed. There are probably a bunch of guys in L.A. who think she's totally nuts. She'd care about that a lot more if she were single and, like, in the same universe.

In this universe, however, she's going to have to let her friends know what happened to her and hope that Amanda lady leaves soon. Or maybe just call it a night and check in on her dog, either way. "No problem. Sometimes you just have to take the first escape route that comes to mind. You're a doctor?"

[so_catholic]

"Something like that," Danny replies, comfortably vague for privacy's sake. He leans against the wall, propping himself up with one hand while the other rests on his waist. He wouldn't use the word girlfriend himself but it's definitely a term Amanda had bandied around not halfway through their first date.

"Gynecologist," he nods, knowing immediately how sleazy that sounds. Concocting a wild plan to get a pretty blond on her own outside a bar is definitely more a Peter thing than a Danny thing. He flashes her the briefest of smiles. "That's not a line, I promise."

[beyondtheblonde]

Elle laughs, shaking her head. "I've heard that one before, though," she says, wagging a finger at him. "Don't worry, I believe you. Plus I've got a boyfriend. And a friend who's a gynecologist, actually. From what she says, it can get crazy intense." It's amazing doctors even have time to juggle love lives, as far as she's concerned. They take on so much for so many hours, and they still have the energy to get out there and find someone. Of course, that's how it should be, everyone deserves love, but it's still pretty impressive.

[so_catholic]

"She's right but crazy intense is what you get when you let women manage your schedule." It's not entirely clear whether Danny means that as an obstetric joke or not but he's amicable enough to dampen any perceived misogyny.

"Take my card," he offers, sliding one from his wallet with Fowler and Associates printed above his details. He holds it out to her between two fingers. "If you're on the look out for a new doctor some time, just ask your friend about me. I'm pretty new around here but I doubt there are many gynecologists that haven't heard my name by now." He really is just that good.

[beyondtheblonde]

"Doctor Danny Castellano," Elle reads, her smile growing. "No, you're right, I have heard of you. You must know my friend Mindy. She works at Fowler, too." And she worked with him in New York, of course. The fact of one of Mindy's friends from home arriving was impossible to miss; Mindy talks almost enough to put Elle herself to shame. The fact that Danny means something to her is clear, though lately, it doesn't sound like things are going great.

Even so, it's nice to put a face to the name. Grin bright, she offers her hand. "I'm Elle."

[so_catholic]

Danny doesn't know why he's surprised that Mindy's the friend; most people he has met in the city have at least heard of her. She sure gets around. Assuming that Mindy is her physician, he decides there and then that poaching her patient probably isn't the best thing for their relationship right now.

"Yeah, yeah I know her," he replies, dropping his hand from the wall and brushing it off on his jeans before returning the handshake. "What's that short for?"

[beyondtheblonde]

"Elle?" she echoes, assuming that's what he means. Most people do. "Oh, it's not short for anything. My mom was super into fashion magazines." She gives a self-deprecating laugh, waving it off. It's a pretty cute name and she's had a couple decades to get used to it, but it's tough to explain to people sometimes. She's less interested in her name, though, than his relationship with Mindy. "You know, I think she's mentioned you. You knew her in New York, right? Or was that one of the other doctors?"

It was totally him.

[so_catholic]

"No, that's me," Danny answers distractedly, attention lost for a moment when a group of women leave the bar and pass them on the sidewalk. There's no Amanda in the mix but he still bows his head slightly and crosses his arms to make himself less conspicuous. "We worked in the same practice together in Manhatten. I'm guessing I look younger than Mindy made me sound when she mentioned me to you."

[beyondtheblonde]

Elle laughs, head tipping to the side in a slight nod. "I did get the impression," she says carefully, "that you were a slightly older gentleman. I'm sorry to say, she did not do you justice." He's actually really cute, and not like boys back at UCLA cute. Like, distinguished older-but-not-too-older guy cute. The fact that Mindy hasn't said as much makes her curious, honestly. Friend or not, it's not like Mindy's one to hold back on the important details, as well as numerous less important ones.

[so_catholic]

"Don't worry about it," Danny half-smiles, "happens all the time. She once introduced me at a party as a cross between Melvin Udall and the old guy from Up, so I'll gladly take 'slightly older gentleman'. Thanks." He would bet his last cannolo that gentleman is Elle's choice of word, not Mindy's. "I can't comment on, on the justice thing," so Danny brushes past it, shifting his weight onto one foot, hand retreating back to the safety of the wall beside his head. "Are you the friend that's getting married or the one that's studying uh..." He racks his brain for a moment, trying to remember back a few weeks to when he and Mindy were actually talking. "I wanna say yoga?"

[beyondtheblonde]

"Pilates, actually, yeah," Elle says, nodding. "Well, I teach it. I study law." The school here's no Harvard, but she's still proud of her education. Law school is tough even here. She's keeping her head above the waves, though. "And marriage is so not on my to-do list for the near future. That would be Kate." Given how she felt barely more than a year ago, she's actually pretty proud of that, too. God willing, Emmett will still be around when she's done with law school. They can think about things like that then.

[so_catholic]

"Law. Wow." The surprise in his voice is borne out of an inherent patriarchy that is so deep-set he's almost unaware of it. Danny has such strong and self-taught ideals about what a man should be, having stepped up to that role at a too young age, that he can be kind of blinkered when it comes to feminism and equality and all that new age wisdom. Female pilots? No thanks. Female lawyers? Ehh...

"That's cool. You and Mindy been buddies for long?" He asks with a sniff, not wanting to sound particularly interested. "I mean, uh, which tier are you in? The best friends tier or the uh..." He purses his lips mid-sentence. He doesn't actually know what other tiers there are. Mindy'd never mentioned them.

[beyondtheblonde]

Wherever that wow comes from, Elle doesn't care. She just enjoys the reaction. At first, she didn't care, because it wasn't like she was super invested in law school; the whole point was winning back Warner. Then her pride flared up and it stung when people acted like she was stupid, because she knows it comes from her being all pink and girly, like her super femininity blinds them to her intellect. Now it's just entertaining. She knows she's good. There's a pleasure that comes from surprising other people with it.

"Besties," she says warmly. "Mindy was the person who found me here. I would have been completely lost without her."

[so_catholic]

Danny can't help but envy Elle a little. Had Mindy been the first one to find him, he would have been spared a lot of panic and mistrust during those first few hours. That said, her presence wouldn't have saved the unfortunate lamp posts of Darrow from his angry fists, so maybe it's a good thing Mindy hadn't been there. He doubts she could have made him calm down any faster.

"She's a good kid," he says genuinely, ruffling a sweaty palm through his hair. "I'm sorry we're not meeting under more normal circumstances," he adds, voice tinged with embarrassment. "Had I known you two knew each other I would have accosted some other woman in there. My first impressions are usually...less creepy."

[beyondtheblonde]

A good kid. Elle almost laughs. He can't be that much older than Mindy, attitude aside. It's nice, though. At least, the intention is.

"No, it's fine," she says. "At least I get to meet you. And trust me, I've met guys who were way creepier." This time, she does laugh, shaking her head. Guys come up with the weirdest excuses to talk to girls sometimes. "But take it from me, it is way easier just to let someone down gently. Making excuses and making a girl think she has a chance is — forgive me for saying it, but... well, mean."

[so_catholic]

Danny's hand stills in his hair, then moves to the back of his neck, rubbing awkwardly. "Yeah?"

The last time he'd let someone down gently, giant photos of his genitals had been exhibited around New York City for every Tom, Dic--everyone to see. Danny much prefers the avoidance technique. Ignore something for long enough and it has to go away at some point. His theory isn't fool-proof though, even he knows that. Some things are proving impossible to shake off, even in Darrow.

"In my experience honesty isn't much kinder."

[beyondtheblonde]

Elle's quiet a moment, thinking about Warner. He'd told her the truth, hadn't he? It had been her delusion as much as his behavior that made her think they would get married one day. Honesty hadn't worked too well on her.

"Yeah, maybe you're right," she says. "But at least you know you tried. And sometimes it's faster, 'cause, like, I know people that will just keep calling for months. Good luck with her, though."

[so_catholic]

Danny cracks a smile at that. "Women don't actually do that. Call for months." His face drops slowly and he looks away as he considers Amanda's behaviour to date. His cell phone is crammed full of text messages and voicemails already. And sure, she's keen and needy and over-excitable and Danny doesn't think twice before calling her 'crazy', but even she's not oblivious enough to ignore the hints for months, right. His gaze draws back to Elle's. "Do they?"

[beyondtheblonde]

Elle pulls a face. "Sometimes," she says. "I had this sorority sister who was so hung up on her ex, she just would not accept they were over. She would stalk him on Facebook and show up where he was gonna be like it was a coincidence. It was so sad." She shakes her head. It's not like she was any better, honestly, following Warner to Harvard, and he couldn't have been clearer about her nonexistent chances.

[so_catholic]

"Stalk, stalk on... See, this is why I hate the facebooks. Fax machines, now those were our downfall," Danny insists with a firm look, kind of like a mildy irritated professor educating his student. "Suddenly writing to someone or picking up a telephone and talking to them wasn't good enough anymore. We had to have a machine deliver us a letter. And now? Now we gotta put up with emails and text messages and facebooks and blogs. You can't get any peace." At some point during his rant Amanda and her friends step out of the bar and Danny's suddenly talking at his feet, arms hugged around himself and hand attempting to shield his face. "I mean, that's just my opinion. Being on the line, those guys in San Jose, that's to blame for all this."

[beyondtheblonde]

There are so many things wrong with what he's saying that Elle decides to let it go. She gets the gist, that's what matters. "Oh, well, I like it," she says. "It made it a lot easier when I was on a different schedule and time zone than all my friends back home —" She stops, glancing over her shoulder when she realizes he's trying to hide. Eyes widening when she realizes why that's the case, she turns a little to put her back more firmly toward the women leaving the bar. It's doubtful they'll recognize her, at least, but she doesn't want to get told off just because she played nice with a stranger. "Just play it cool. She won't notice."

[so_catholic]

"I--I am playing it cool." Danny clears his throat, shifting his weight on his feet, but not daring to uncover his face. Glancing up for a second, he opens a gap between his fingers, peeking through, then closes them again and lowers his head back down. "Aaah, I'm going to Hell," he admits on a rackety sigh. "Say goodbye to Mindy from me. It was great meeting you."