so_catholic: (holey cannoli)
[personal profile] so_catholic
 
There's no denying it. It's been one hell of a Christmas. Considering this is Danny's second in the space of four months, he really could have done with a quiet, uneventful few days where all he did was sleep in, tidy up and go to church. Sleeping had been hit and miss, his apartment looks like a bombsite with day-old laundry lying around (in a basket, tucked away, but still) and church is a word best left unspoken.

Today, he had planned on cooking pasta fazool while he and Father Anthony dissected the complexities of Daniel Alan Castellano's life, starting with his childhood and ending with the impure thoughts he'd had last week when he'd inadvertently walked in on the end of Mary Poppins in the doctors' lounge. Was it the accent or the flying or the talking umbrella? Now he'll never know.

Instead, Danny's fresh from the shower after a session at the gym, legs stretched out on his couch, cool flannel resting over his eyes. He has the tv on in the background as company, some show about the fifty funniest moments in the history of Darrow, and Mindy's neck massager pressed to the tense muscles just above his shoulder, the constant buzz a comforting substitute for his old white noise machine back home.

Date: 2014-12-28 04:43 am (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hedwig} Everyone wants to take a stab)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
While I should have been on my way to meet up with the band for a scheduled rehearsal, that plan has been scrapped because I have some unforeseen business to attend to. They can practice the songs by themselves, or just stand around picking lice off each other's backs for all I care, though. I don't consider very many things more important than my music, but setting people straight who are in desperate need of it has taken priority in this particular instance.

With the envelope that had been in my mailbox containing every bit of the two-thousand fucking dollars in hand, I've made my way upstairs to Danny's apartment and bang on the door. There's no name or address on the envelope but I know where it came from, which is why I'm here, seeing that it gets back into the hands of the source.

Date: 2014-12-28 05:27 am (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hansel} 28)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
I have every intention of ripping straight into him when the door opens, but when it happens I'm suddenly slapped with the reminder of how good looking he is and I hesitate. It's just a few second, however, and then I'm back. Unfortunately, that only lasts for a few seconds, too, before confusion sets in due to the strange and unexpected juxtaposition of Danny holding what appears to be a pink vibrator.

"...What the fuck are you doing?" I ask on a breath. He might assume the question is for him and he wouldn't be wrong in that assumption. Not completely. But it's just as much meant for myself because I'm not sure I fully remember why it is I came up here to begin with. I'm glad I did, though.

Date: 2014-12-28 06:28 am (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hedwig} I've got a sweet tooth)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"And that's what you choose to do it with? And answer doors with...?" I'm not judging, because who am I to do so? I'm just curious, among other things. Including, although not limited to, aroused.

"Why pink...? What the f-- No. Can you put that away so I can be appropriately pissed off and yell at you?" I don't actually want him to stop, but I need him to. For both our sakes.

Date: 2014-12-28 07:26 am (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hansel} 18)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
And just like that, I'm not the least bit turned on anymore. In fact, I might be a little nauseous.

"I don't know what kind of freaky shit you and Mindy are into, but you should probably finish it before opening doors with your sex props. Hopefully she not bound and gagged in the bedroom because you're going to be a while, now," I warn, inviting myself further into the apartment, slapping the envelope of money against Danny's chest as I go. "Here. It's all there," I assure as I turn to face him.

"I know a lot of words, in both English and German." None of the ones that come to mind right now are particularly pleasant. "Dig yourself deeper, Danny. That's helpful."

Date: 2014-12-28 06:54 pm (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hedwig} Deutschlandlied)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"Yes, yes, you're co-workers who host holiday parties together but only because it so conveniently locked you into an obligation of post-party cleanup," I say with a dismissive flick of the wrist. I didn't buy that the first time he tried to sell it and nothing's changed since then. "And if that's is a neck massager then I'm Miss America."

Good God, I hope he at least had the presence of mind to wash the thing.

"I'm giving you that because it's yours. Why the fuck did you give it to me in the first place?"

Date: 2014-12-28 09:11 pm (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hedwig} You know you're doin' alright)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
Oh, God. No. Nononono. No, no.

I was fairly close with my mother for twenty-six years. Meaning we were in close proximity to one another, sharing a bed in that tiny apartment all that time, because heaven knows it wasn't an emotional sort of closeness. But this is just...

No.

"Danny? That's weird as fuck. And this is coming from me," I say, prying the vibrator out of his grip and whipping it in the general direction of the bedroom. I'll have to burn my hand off now, of course, but that can wait. "Never tell anyone that ever again." If mama Castellano told her son that lie in order to protect him, she really hadn't done him any favors.

And now he looks like Sally Jessy Raphael. Where does one even buy glasses like that? It's like stepping into his apartment has transported me to a completely different dimension where everything is just wrong.

"I'm giving you back two thousand dollars. Don't play dumb with me or I will beat you with your pink neck massager." I won't, really, because I'd rather not touch it again, but I'll find something to hit him with.

Date: 2014-12-28 10:58 pm (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hansel} Try and tear me down)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"It's not even yours! And it's not a neck massager!" How was someone his age, who does what Danny does for a living, so incredibly clueless? It just doesn't seem like it should be possible and yet there he stands.

"I don't want your money, Danny," I say making no move to accept the envelope. "I didn't tell you what I did in order to receive charity out of it."

Date: 2014-12-28 11:37 pm (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hansel} 42)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"It's the same thing!" I shout, scrubbing a hand through my hair in frustration. "Worse, when you say it like that. It's insulting. I don't want your money, and I definitely don't need it."

Date: 2014-12-29 01:32 am (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hansel} 6)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"I'm not embarrassed," I insist. In all actuality, I'm not sure what I am but I know I can feel the slight stinging of tears in my eyes. I came up here to yell at him and I want to go back to that, back to before he opened the door, because standing on this side of it I realize that I can't remember the last time anyone has ever done something for me. Not without wanting something in return. Or just taking it.

"Unless you're paying for a two thousand blowjob, I can't take this. And between you and me, I'm good, but not that good."

Date: 2014-12-29 03:13 am (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hansel} 35)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"This isn't Pretty Woman, Danny. I'm not the whore who needs to be saved from her lot in life. Donate it to your church. Maybe then they can buy a priest who doesn't buy oral sex." Or he'd be giving the current priests there money in order to go and pay for exactly that. Who knows?

"I think Mindy's massager needs new batteries." Whether that's because of Mindy herself or Danny is a mystery, but I can't help but laugh a little either way.

Date: 2014-12-29 04:37 am (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hansel} 44)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
And he's touching it again. Why? Why couldn't he have just let dead vibrators lie? Ugh.

"I don't have a problem with pleasuring strangers. You have a problem with me pleasuring strangers. And luckily for you and your bank account, we're not friends. Remember?" I say, sliding the envelope onto the nearest flat surface. "If we are, you've certainly chosen a convenient time to make the upgrade."

Date: 2014-12-29 05:53 am (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hansel} 19)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"Being paid for it helps...," I say with a shrug. Or wasn't that much obvious? It's not as if I was doing this stuff for free or else we wouldn't be here having this conversation.

"And when you're not being a jackass I guess you're a nice man, too." It's a shame he was kind of a jackass a lot of the time, which made that difficult to see for some. And jackass or not, I like him, too. In ways that I shouldn't, which I'm certain he knows by now and which this act of kindness really doesn't help with, so I don't say it. "I appreciate what you're trying to do. I do. I just can't... It doesn't feel right."

Date: 2014-12-29 07:20 pm (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hansel} 33)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"That's fine. I wouldn't expect you to, but I want your sympathy about as much as I want your money. Save it for singing orphans and three-legged dogs." Simply put, I don't want anything to change. I don't want him to look at me from now on and just see Hansel, the guy with the alternative means of obtaining an income.

Date: 2014-12-30 12:44 am (UTC)
beautifulandnew: (The whole world starts unscrewin')
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"We cool," I nod, mimicking his accent. And then, just because I can't leave well enough alone: "Under one condition. You let me replace Mindy's vi--neck massager. Or get you your own so you don't have to ever, ever borrow hers again. It's the least I can do after ruining baby Jesus' birthday for you."

Date: 2014-12-30 02:42 am (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hansel} 4)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"Oh, I agree. She really must, and I bet that's exactly what she's doing." Because she has nothing better to do with her life than to hold a pot hostage. I only play along to keep his enthusiasm for the idea intact.

"She's probably cutting out individual letters from her magazines in order to put together a ransom note as we speak. So that's a yes?"

Date: 2014-12-30 03:54 am (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hansel} 43)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"Yes, yes, that's fine," I say, sliding his hideous glasses up the bridge of his nose with my index finger. Ordinarily, I would say that giving someone a gift an not including the batteries is a bit half-assed, but I've gotten all the agreement I need out of him, so he could have that much if it made him feel better.

"Tomorrow?"

Date: 2014-12-30 02:30 pm (UTC)
beautifulandnew: ({Hedwig} Thanks Bob)
From: [personal profile] beautifulandnew
"Yeah. I'm sorry your priest turned out to be a perv," I say, and while I do mean it, to some extent, it's difficult to make a statement like that sound very sincere. I'm not sorry for exposing the man or the act that led to it, but I am sorry that it had ruined Danny's day and that he is obviously still reeling from it.

Not sorry enough to miss out on a chance of having a bit of fun at his expense, however.

"Tomorrow then. I think I know the place where Mindy might have gotten hers." And I think if I actually manage to get him through the door he'll end up cutting his boycott short and wind up in a church, anyway.

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Dr Danny Castellano

July 2015

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